Old Holborn: The Internet Puritans

Old Holborn August 3, 2013 11
Old Holborn: The Internet Puritans

Social media has brought about a seismic shift in the way we individuals in this country interact with each other and the last three weeks have shown that Politicians are finally realising that 60 odd million of us have voices just as powerful as their own. No longer content with bawling at each other over the benches of Parliament, they have decided to silence us, the people, in case we rise above our lowly stations.

Let’s look at what has actually happened. Firstly, someone who has absolutely no idea what the Internet is has been placed in charge of Government Internet Policy. I give you Claire Perry (@Claire4devizes) on twitter. Hyperbolic ranting and screeching that unless we all burn our copies of Clockwork Orange, we will turn into bloodcurdling rapists, society will crash around us, and our strange new world of online Sodom and Gomorrah, created by us, for us, will become the norm. Children in Holland can walk past a prostitute in a shop window but if a sex worker here decides to sell his or her wares as a fantasy, they should be burned at the stake as an affront to women, along with the URL’s of such utter filth that we all have the choice not to look at.

Next, we have Tesco and the Co Op placing images of women in little black bags, lest someone take offense whilst the very same feminists rejoicing this major leap forward in putting men back in their cages demand to go topless sunbathing in Dubai regardless of the offense caused. Caitlin Moran is quite happy to shriek about the exploitation of females as long as no one burns HER new book (available in October, stock up for Xmas £19.99).

Followed by the dawning realisation that people talking to each other freely on the Internetz means that sometimes, alas, people say nasty things to each other as we all share the same space on social media. Regardless of the past 20 years of flame wars and Internet forum abuses, the feminists have decided that if we are going to be allowed to speak to each other, then we have to do on their terms. We already know perfectly well what is legal and what is a criminal threat but that won’t stop them demanding that anyone who owns a white wall must guard it 24/7 lest a graffiti artist leave a menacing or “off message” inscription upon it. A bewildered Twitter employer must be summoned on live TV and made to pay if anyone dares write anything on the great wall of Social Media that our new unelected moderators do not approve of.

When the left lost the last election, they realised they could no longer dictate through Governmental armies of Diversity Coordinators so have decided to dictate through social media instead. Woe betide anyone who sends a tweet of two fat women (yes, I’m still under investigation by the CPS as a lonely man in Stockport decided to run to the Police as he found it “offensive” and “threatening”) and self declared “lovely” people are going to boycott Twitter this Sunday in the hope that we will all start sending each other pictures of kittens instead of daring to debate the real issues which only they are allowed to mention. Whilst they demand we resist the urge to go on Twitter, not one of them demands that we resist the urge to view the nasty things they are all compiling in their Sunday Rant columns (available behind the paywall, of course, a woman has to eat, after all).

I can’t see Twitter doing a damn thing about us insulting and abusing each other online, nor would I want them to. I don’t want the Government OR hair shirt wearing feminists telling me what I can say or what I can see on my mobile phone. I’m all grown up now, I can make the choices I need to make for myself, and so can everyone else – an inconvenient truth to the new idealists attempting to regulate and legislate us into quiet and compliant submission. What next? Web Pastors checking our Emails and advising us that we need to go to bed now, as we’re drunk and likely to regret what we said in the morning?

If you want us all to wear Burqas, gouge our eyes out, drink less, smoke less, eat less and be lovely to each other all day long, stand on that platform at election time and beg us for our votes. Don’t come marching over to my personal space online threatening to silence me or call the Police because my views are different to yours. The Pilgrim Fathers left the UK to set up their own puritanical paradise elsewhere. I suggest the new breed of tight lipped feminazis do the same on their specially developed social media via Mumsnet. Leave the rest of us alone in the Jungle, we’ve made it this far without you.

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