With the end of all time coming tomorrow, we here at the Backbencher have decided to give you a handy guide on what to do, and how to enjoy the End of Days. Remember, your Apocalypse needs are our number one priority… as such we have devised a list of the top five most desirable items in the event of a cataclysmic collapse of know civilisation:
1) Lynx 2012: a shameless plug, that’s to be sure – but we’re Libertarians and if we cannot do it, it is not worth saying, and besides their advert is quite good.
2) Vaseline: another plug – fair enough – but it might get lonely in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, if you know what I mean…
3) A dog: yes, I’ve seen I Am Legend too, but seriously a companion in the last few days of your life, to watch the universe end in such a fashion ancient Americans could barely have made up.
4) A tank: it is fun, with lots of nice memories of childhood adventure and whatever future you wrongly expected to have, it is also more practical than that, as it provides defence, shelter and a place to keep the doggy. Check out our top recommendation here.
5) Serious swag: You don’t want to be the last person in the world and not represent, yo. We recommend that you play this on loop to ensure that you are going hard.
And so there you have it, a full-proof guide to surviving (or attempting to) the apocalypse. See you soon (only by following these tips), and from all of us here at the Backbencher, good luck!