What Flavour Of Fascist Are You?!

The moral tyranny of the self-righteous Middle Class has created a very British Police State


Britain has a proud history of standing up to foreign tyrants. We crossed swords with Philip of Spain to stop an Iberian monopoly of exploration and trade. We stood up to Napoleon as he turned Europe into his own personal family run business. We burned through the accumulated wealth of our Empire fighting the Kaiser and his hegemonic designs on Europe. And most famously of all we defied Hitler, and his terrifying vision of a world empire ruled by a Master Race. (We also chipped in helping the Yanks face down the Soviets, I suppose.)

However over the last thirty years we’ve created our own indigenous brand of tyranny. This one is far more invasive and all encompassing than any foe we’ve faced before. It has no flag, and you won’t see its goose stepping victory parades down the Mall. But it’s stranglehold on the British psyche is all too real.

I refer to the Moral Tyranny of the Self-Righteous Progressive Middle Class.

Social conservatives have long been a staple part of British life. Born of the Victorian Era, the moral fortitude of Albion was guaranteed by these stalwarts of the community. The vicar, the teacher, the doctor, the bank manager, and ladies of leisure formed the Tut-Brigade. Armed with little more than a raised eyebrow and the occasional bad reference, what would become known as the Establishment wielded an invisible hold on our moral compass.

Today we have a new Morality Police. Their objectives are different but their methods are the same…..to shame the populous into conformity.

The Eco-Fascist has its origins in the environmentalist movement of the early Sixties. Whereas most ‘greens’ are content to recycle where they can, and cycle rather than walk, some members take it a more than a tad further. For them, the masses simply can’t be trusted to make the ‘correct’ choices. Citizens won’t willingly make the sacrifices needed to save the planet. It seems we need to be shamed into action, and if all else fails, legislation must be bought into ensure compliance.

There are plenty of things that get an Eco-Fascist all riled up: plastic bags, gas-guzzling cars, central heating, air conditioning, lights being left on.

Climate Change (subtly changed from Global Warming in the late 1990’s) is their gospel, and even questioning the notion is heresy.

Given the reins of power, these loons would have humanity’s living standards reduced to that of shipwreck survivors.

The Healthy-Living Police are similar to the enviro-loon in as much as they believe that most people are simply too stupid to be allowed to be responsible for what they eat and how they live. Not content with living well themselves, they think we all need to be shamed into changing our ways — and their methods can be very subtle. They’ll casually drop hints about the contents of your fridge, or remind you how often they go to the gym.  We saw this most recently with Andy Burnham MP declaring Tony the Tiger and the Honey Monster to be the new Axis of Evil. Parents, it seems, can no longer be trusted to be left in charge of their shopping baskets. Healthy food is available, but again, parents might no make the ‘correct’ choice, so the full weight (pardon the pun) of State power but be brought to bare.

The Ban-It-All Brigade have been around in some form or other for a while. Their aims are noble enough; to protect me and you from overtly and unnecessarily dangerous things, like lead based paint and toasters marketed as children’s bath-toys (I may have made that last one up).

Though as with many such noble intentions, it soon got out of hand. Conkers, fireworks, poppy pins, leather cricket balls, toys in cereals, pogo-sticks, and skateboards have all at some point, faced their wrath.

Like Lighthouses of Anguish, they sweep the landscape of fun looking for threats to our delicate frames. And they have found an all-too willing ally in the Health & Safety Executive and petty bureaucrats across Britain. Local councils, with their predilection for halting harmless village fetes and school trips, are perhaps the worst offenders.

I have little doubt they’d like to wrap us all in bubble-wrap… if bubble wrap itself wasn’t so dangerous.

The Professionally Offended are well known to anybody who uses Twitter, though they don’t limit themselves to social media. As a rule they tend to be white and Middle Class. As with many people on this study, their actions are born out of the most altruistic motivations. In their minds, certain groups in society are incapable of standing up for themselves, and thus need benevolent protectors such as they. The Professionally Offended will leap on the slightest real or perceived offensive slight, like a valiant soldier leaping onto a grenade to save those around them.

And it matters not if the perceived target of offence was actually offended, oh no. Justice had to be done.

Perhaps the most entertaining aspect of the Professionally Offended is how they interact with each other. If you’re very lucky, you’ll witness thinly veiled battles, where individuals try to outdo each other on who can be more offended, more quickly, and on behalf of more people.

The tragedy of this mindset is its obvious collectivist approach. People are not individuals, with their own unique views, hopes, fears and stories, but are rather one dimensional entities, arbitrarily lumped into clumsy groups. People are stamped and categorised, so as to better enable the patronising paternalism. For it is the Left, not the Right, that are obsessed with Class, Race and Gender.

The most terrifying aspect of all of this is that the proponents of Progressive Puritanism do so with the clearest of conciseness. With every fiber of their being they believe they are doing what it just and right, and that we would thank them if only we were so unenlightened.

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” — C.S. Lewis


  1. I’m offended at the use of ‘fascist’ in this article! The comparison of modern annoyances to ‘fascism’ is a tremendous insult to all those who suffered under and fought against the real thing…

    …Well, not really, it’s just lazy hyperbole. But this blog amused me nonetheless. We all recognise these stereotypes; I resemble a couple of them myself. 🙂

  2. Oh. When you asked “what flavour of fascist are you?” I thought we’d get some deep Deleuze and Duattari’s ‘Capitalism and Schizophrenia’-style analysis, but no… just some standard form ‘they’re telling us what to do, and that’s fascist, because it’s not exactly what I want to do’, of the ‘you couldn’t make it up’ school of journalism. *sigh*
    ~A bit of reflexivity would have been nice~

  3. You are a fascist by calling other people fascists. Infact, you are a fascist hunter of fascists / militant fascist. Ya-no?

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